For my Photography final project, we had to create a fantastical image, portraying something that we have walked through in our life. Here is the story behind my photograph.
All throughout my life, I have struggled with identity. Whether it be seeking affirmation in school, boys, or some random person I thought was cool, I conformed to it. Starting on the outskirts of the photograph, I placed the more "accurate" me's as bookends, to tie who I am now, wrapping up my identity. I am a mixture of an outdoor enthusiast, and lover of music and trend. In the middle of the image, the me in all black and a rock covering the face, symbolizes the season of my life when I was hard. My heart was hard, and I was stubborn. Numbed at the soul, I was running and avoiding who I truly was, and I believed the only way to do so, was to shut off. To the left of that figure, a girl stands, representing the season of material in my life, who found her identity in her looks. I cared way too much of what people thought of me; I sought out affirmation in the material things. I believed that I needed to get the looks, in order to be desired or liked. I clung to make up, clothes, and everything in between, rather than running to The Lord. After the satisfaction failed yet again, I ran to finding myself in my school, which is represented by the person with the eraser covering their face. This "identity" did not last long, as I believed I could never be good enough in class. I labelled myself with ADHD, Dyslexia, and OCD, and convinced myself, yet again, that this wasn't who I could be, because I wasn't enough. I ran and I ran, and yet never was fully satisfied. None of these "me's" were who I was confident in.
The paper texture layered over the overall photo, stands as a representation of all of my prayers asking for this chapter to be over in my life. Although, I will always be faced with temptation and struggle in identity, I do believe that this chapter, or this book, is coming to an end, and that is refreshing to say. The moon in the background, is my comfort. I have always tied the moon to The Lord, as a symbol of His great love. He stood by my side through this identity crisis. He let me change, let me seek others, yet never left me. The moon, is something that changes throughout it's seasons, but is always identified as, well, a moon. The Lord's role in my life changes constantly, but He is always The Lord. I can run to Him asking for a romancer, a father or even a friend, and He provides but is always of greater power, and that is God. Running to the earthly did nothing but break me more. After breaking point, the only greater thing I can run to is Christ. He fulfills all identity and has created me perfectly, in who He sees me as and nothing else. If I constantly run to other things, I will end up numb, broken, and insecure. The only person who can fill that gap is The Lord, and this is something I still have to daily re-align myself with.
I want to thank everyone who helped me with this project. I could not have done it without some of you guys. Thank you to my professor, Victor (hopefully we are on a first name basis), for pushing me out of my comfort zone with this project, and for overall teaching my favorite class ever. Thank you to my models, Anna, Stephany, Anna Kate, Bekah, and Elaine. Ya'll killed it as being my "me's" and I am beyond thankful that you each took time, during finals week, to help me. Also, thank you to everyone in my photography class, who I might not ever talk to again, but you guys were awesome support this year, and the funnest people to have this class with. I hope ya'll go out and do big things with your lives, and also hope I see you all again! Finally, and most importantly, super thankful for The Big Man Upstairs. Without Him, this project would mean nothing to me, and would just be a bunch of photos.