Okay well this is long overdue but hey better late than never, right? After spending a month at home for the holidays, I decided the best thing to do was move back to Texas. For many months, I had been dealing with severe anxiety and depression and hadn’t realized it until Christmas break. I was the queen of wearing a mask and being who others thought that I was, all while stuffing my loneliness and triggers deeper and deeper down. I thought that I had it under control. But there’s something about going back home where family is that breaks you in the most beautiful way.
Home to me has always been a place of rest, a place that I could let my guard down. Not even a day after being back in Dallas did my walls come crumbling to the ground and that guard was no longer standing. Those things that I had been dealing with silently for months had finally seen a little light as I let my family in on what I was going through. They graciously took care of me and held me in their arms every panic attack and depressed moment I experienced.
After seeking lots of counsel from mentors and experienced doctors, I came to conclusion that moving back to Texas would be the best choice for me. I was desperate enough to let go of all that I knew in order to get healthy and find my life again. And that is what I have been doing. It hasn’t been easy in any way, but there’s been so much good that I’ve seen come out of obedience. Although anxiety is still something I struggle with daily, I can honestly say that I am not in that place I was a few months back anymore. Praise God for getting me out of the wilderness.
I know that I have left a lot of y’all in the dark the past few months, but it has taken me up until now to be able to share this with hope in my voice. Thank you for being patient with me when I haven’t replied or reached out much. I don’t know how to wrap this up, but I just want to share that if you are dealing with any of these things- loneliness, depression, anxiety, shame, guilt, insecurity, refuse to struggle alone. God made people on earth so we didn’t have to walk through it by ourselves. Let people in. The best decision I made was to let my family in and seek help. There is something about letting others know you are struggling that lightens the load you’ve been carrying for so long.